It's okay if you can't change your "yelling" personality
Do you find yourself speaking in an intimidating way to your juniors or subordinates?
With the changing times, being too forceful has come to be seen as unacceptable. Of course, it wasn’t exactly acceptable before either, but it has become such a taboo that it can even lead to criminal behavior.
As a result of that conventional wisdom taking root, the margin for tolerance has narrowed, and even the slightest thing can..."Quit"It could end up pulling the trigger on that. Given the current shortage of young people, that is not a desirable outcome.
But when it comes to suddenly changing one’s attitude to a more conciliatory one, pride inevitably gets in the way.For those of you who feel like, “I know I should stop, but I just can’t,” I’d like to offer some solutions.
That is the “That Said Principle” I’ll be discussing today.
"What are you doing?!"
"How many times do I have to tell you before you get it?!"
"Think things through before you act!"
...I end up yelling like this without even realizing it. Since it’s become such a habit, I can’t suddenly start being gentle. Actually, there are quite a few people who struggle with this.
Even the people who are struggling like this can’t tell anyone about it. That’s because they’ve cast themselves in that role. They can’t just take down the banner they’ve already raised.
But it's okay now. You should try doing what I'm about to tell you.
Easy Solutions! What Is the “That Said” Rule?
That said, the method is extremely simple. What’s more, it’s a method that allows you to fully recover even after you’ve made a mistake. So, let me show you how to do it.
When, as usual, you find yourself yelling. “How many times do I have to tell you before you get it?!” you blurt out loudly. Let’s just accept that it can’t be helped up to that point. But here’s the important part!
After that, they say, “That said…” Just that alone completely changes the situation.
The phrase "that said" essentially reverses what was stated earlier.The more the premise consists of words that negate the other person’s point, the stronger the affirmation that follows “that said” must be.。
After yelling, I’ll usually add “That said” just to fill the silence. This phrase is, after all, just a conjunction. But once I’ve uttered those words, I feel obligated to say something else.
And the more I search for the words to say next, the more I realize that I have to mention the other person’s good qualities.
"How many times do I have to tell you before you get it! ...That said, I've been told the same thing myself. Be careful not to let it happen again."
Just by adding the single phrase “that said,” the result turned out like this:If I don't say something nice, I won't be able to wrap things up.That's right. Do you see? This is incredibly powerful. It will completely change the impression you make on others.
After all, unlike before, when I would simply say “no,” from now on I’ll be offering advice on how to move forward. Just this alone makes my feedback suddenly more constructive and leads to significant growth.
You often hear people say things like, “Take a deep breath before you get angry,” but when I’m angry, I don’t have that kind of leeway. After all, I’ve gotten into the habit of snapping at people on the spot. That’s why I always end up regretting it, thinking, “I’ve done it again…”
That’s exactly why this approach—which can be applied after the fact—is so effective. In most cases, when you’re in the middle of getting angry, seeing the other person’s reaction gradually helps you cool down. And even though you realize it’s a bad idea, you feel compelled to keep going. In other words, you reach a point of no return.
Let's just give up on that. It's a problem that's built up over many years, so it won't be fixed that easily. So let's just add to it.After you’ve yelled, try adding the phrase “That said” with a little courage. It’s sure to completely change the impression you make.Here are some tips you can start using today—be sure to give them a try.
